normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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