Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
