We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
