you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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