do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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