I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
