I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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