Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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