Michael Bay diarrhea
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
