Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And then he peed in my hair
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
