You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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