White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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