My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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