im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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