Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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