I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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