party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
