The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
