Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
