I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
