i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
