Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
