More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
