my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
