he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
this hospital has no fireball
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
