Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
