If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I party with great urgency now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
