i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
