I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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