Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
