I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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