then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
