I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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