I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
