I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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