I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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