$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
