dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
