i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
