it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
