M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
