my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
