in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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