Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
