Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
