i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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