I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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