You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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