I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
