Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
