i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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