I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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