hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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