her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
